Words don't come easy

I’d been thinking about rejoining Dating Direct for a couple of weeks. I’d received a couple of emails (from women in this country!) that I wanted to read. Then I was sent a message offering me a week’s membership for a quid. So I was straight in there.

Neither of the emails was very exciting. Both were entitled ‘Hi’. Both were short. The more interesting one was from a woman with a child. Been there, done that. The other one read simply, ‘fancy a banter?’ Not with you, thanks for asking.

An hour after I had read the emails, the sender of the latter contacted me again: ‘say hi its (sic) my last eve tonight I dont (sic) bite ????’ As I generally believe in being courteous, I sent her a message saying; ‘Thanks for your messages. I’m afraid that we are not suited. Good luck in your hunt for Mr Right.’ Two minutes later, she replied: ‘im (sic) not asking you to marry me.’

Indeed, but why waste time emailing someone that you’re not attracted towards on any level, ticks none of the boxes you want ticked – and has a six-year-old’s understanding of grammar.

A few minutes later, another email popped into my inbox. Breaking all the rules, it was imaginatively headed ‘hi’. Why is there so little creativity out there? I’ve spent up to 20 minutes thinking about a subject line for one of my emails. Anyway, the message read: ‘Smooth or crunchie?’ I liked it – even if she couldn’t spell one of the three words she had typed. It was a reference to my profile listing peanut butter as among my favourite things. Unfortunately, the sender was 40 and had a child.

It beats me why women don’t read your criteria before contacting you. Mine clearly states that I am looking for someone with a maximum age of 37. I don’t contact women that have stipulated a minimum height of six foot. It’s a waste of everyone’s time.