A site for sore eyes

I'm going out with the woman I met in February (and who knocked me back) next week. I don't know whether it's a date or not. She appears quite keen. In fact, she has been doing the chasing. I'm going to approach it with an open mind (and wallet).

In the meantime, I have lost touch with Northampton Sarah. I could probably resurrect things if I want, but I'm not sure that I do. So I have been back trawling through the profiles on Dating Direct.

It appears as if there is a template to follow. 'I'm a fun-loving/bubbly/
vivacious [delete as applicable] girl who loves nothing better than a night out with friends at a bar/pub/cinema/ theatre/nightclub [delete as applicable], but also likes a good night on the sofa with a bottle of red/white/rose [delete as applicable] wine and a good DVD/video
[delete as applicable].'

Originality is conspicuous by its absence. But after much searching, I came
across this one.

'I love the outdoors [me too] . . . looking into buying a camper van and have visions holidaying in Spain and France with absolutely no aptitude for the language [I've just returned from a month in Costa Rica and Panama where I ordered food in restaurants by pointing at other diners' plates] . . . sense of humour is massively important - I love funny guys, someone with bite [I've got more bite than Battersea Dogs Home] . . . you wouldn't be after a trophy girlfriend - I scrub up pretty good, but if you are looking for someone who doesn't really say much for herself and is perfectly hairsprayed, then that's not really me [I may be from Essex, but I'm not looking for an Essex Girl] . . . I generally go for someone who is essentially kind but not a pushover [I regularly give up my seat on the Tube to elderly or pregnant woman - but ask for it back after a couple of stops] . . . We're not really losing anything by getting in contact and if that sounds a bit like you and the way you live, then I'd love to hear from you [my philosophy entirely ].'

It's hardly a work of literary genius (and was littered with solecisms). But the fact that she had short hair and that her vital stats weren't particularly impressive for a London-based woman (337 views and 165 winks) compelled me to email her. It was a carefully crafted email that picked up on comments in her profile, with a cheeky edge. It was a fine piece of work (even if I do say so myself).

Yet she read the email, checked out my profile - and did nothing.

In my experience of internet dating, most blokes don't get to choose who they have email conversations with or meet. I've probably had replies from two of the 30 women I have emailed over the past three years. And I'm hardly setting my sights on the most attractive women, who have had 10,000 views and 5,000 winks. Rather, I have to sift through the emails from Russia and the winks from fortysomething women with no picture and three children. They'd reply to me - if I was in the slightest bit interested.

Now where's my road map of Northamptonshire?