If anyone is still reading this blog – and I’d be surprised if there is, as there isn’t a lot going on – I’m going to make a bold pronouncement and say that I am expecting a change of luck over the next couple of months.
‘Expecting’ might be a tad optimistic, but I’ve been ‘hoping’ for too long. And perhaps a more positive attitude will reap its rewards. I’m off on holiday to Indochina tomorrow for eight weeks. I’ll be spending three weeks travelling through Vietnam and Cambodia on my own, before joining 11 others for a four-week trip around China.
The two most amazing women I have ever met came into my life while I was on my travels: Jill in New Zealand (1993) and Mel on a flight back from Los Angeles (2001). I also met my last girlfriend in Kenya (2007) and someone very special in Costa Rica last year (see 8/8/08).
Group travel is always a bit of a gamble. After all, you could end up with 11 male members of a Japanese chess club. I’ve never been a big fan of organised trips, but I've found that as I get older, and most people travelling independently are 20 years my junior, I've become less sociable. I also increasingly prefer the peace of a cheap hotel, rather than a dorm where your drunken room-mates are staggering in at all hours of the night.
When I did an organised trip a couple of years ago in Africa, it started really well. There were lots of people around my age and it was great fun. Unfortunately, they all went back to their jobs after two weeks (proving my mum right, as she says that only students, retired people and crusty old hippies take holidays as long as I do - and I'm not looking to meet any of those), leaving me in the company of a bunch of 20-year-olds. Not a lot of fun, let me tell you.
I figure that out of my 11 companions, seven will be women (females are always more likely to travel in a group). Two of those will be in couples, while three will be two old or too young. Which leaves two. Surely one of those will be a professional, London-based, thirtysomething with short hair, a degree in banter and curves in all the right places. Hmmm....
The closest I’ve been to a woman this year was moon-stomping into one at The Specials gig – and I bet it was her who nicked my phone. This year has been a complete non-event as far as women are concerned. I haven’t had a single smile. I haven't flirted with anyone. It has been like winding the clock back 12 years, when women weren’t even on the periphery of my life. But back then I loved West Ham. Now I don’t.
I was packing my bag last night and found that all my condoms had expired 15 months ago. A friend advised to buy some new ones, as I don't want to catch anything. I told him that I am in no danger of catching bird flu - because birds run a mile when they see me. With my track record and the pigs that I have to make do with, I'm in far more danger of catching swine flu.
All good things come to an end
15 years ago
